Deja Vu

have i experienced deja vu? of course, sure i have. too bad it’s never for anything that will help me out- like winning lottery numbers, or during really good make out sessions. it’s usually something pointless like, walking across one of the houses that i’m cleaning to get my glass cleaner and feeling like at another time i had walked across the same room to get the glass cleaner. yeah. real deep, huh? regardless that still doesn’t hold a lot of mustard for me.

i wish i had those kind of deep meaningful experiences, or at least some complex symbolic dreams, but the truth is, that for as multifaceted as i am in reality, not too much supernatural happens to me. my dreams are usually just a culmination of the messed up things that happen during my waking hours. like sam from down the street calls me to ask me about a cake recipe that he wants to take to softball camp or some other unnecessary mix up of facts and events that are floating around in my grey matter.

i neither believe in ghosts nor the afterlife. i am uninterested in psychics, aliens or real life vampires. for me to be so skeptical and cynical might not be so odd if it wasn’t for my upbringing or my spiritual beliefs. i grew up with a mother who believed she was psychic and a faith healer. my childhood was full of seances and healings, ghost talkings and crosses burning on my lawn. the reasons for my current disbelief in otherworldly things is a direct result of this upbringing and a long tale for another time.

the other matter, my spirituality and why it might be odd that i don’t believe in esp and telekinesis and astral projection? welp- i’m pagan. very pagan and proud of it. but the longer i am in the community, the more that i see that i am a misfit among misfits (as most pagans don’t mesh with society.) i see myself as more of a practical pagan. i believe in MAGICK but i feel it is a looser term than saying a spell and waiting for something to happen. my magick is planting a seed and waiting for it to grow. my magick is getting into a trance like state from dancing and gazing at stars to see something bigger than myself in the universe. i say this amongst people that talk about seeing dragons in their homes and fairies in woodpiles. in the same way that society snubs their beliefs, they snub me for my disbelief.

i am of the thinking that people should believe what they want, politically, spiritually, and morally to achieve the best lives they possibly can. i don’t believe that one way is any better than another. i am definitely spiritual and have a lot of faith. but on the other hand, i definitely am more grounded in the things that i can actually tangibly experience. the sun rising and setting, wind blowing, fire burning, waves crashing and genuine love and affection for people. if these things keep me from experiencing deja vu, or deep earth shaking psychic dreams, i am absolutely okay with that.
i like knowing what to expect.

and what do i expect? i expect to love this song forever and ever…


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