Only Five?

Oh goody! A food-related blog prompt!
Done and done.

I like the premise for this being that I am being HELD CAPTIVE on an island and can tell my captors what foods I want, for one thing…. It’s much more reasonable than being stuck on an island that surely only has oozing berries, bugs, leaves that look like bugs and coconuts that I’ll never be able to open (I’ve watched CASTAWAY, I know how these things work, even WITH a skate that I probably wont have anyway.)

Also, let me state, that if I EVER WAS captured, and held against my will, there’s probably a good reason, and those people holding me hostage certainly would NOT give me ANY of my five food requests. This is probably a good thing- most of which is that, I am, yes, a bitch in most situations, and more than likely deserve to be stranded on an island; not to mention that I am already fat enough, and should probably look to being marooned with only poison berries and footlong millipedes to eat as a chance to lose a “stone” or two (as the English say.)

BUT, having said all of that, and, of course to go along with the prompt- if I were to be supplied with five foods? I’d DEMAND, I mean, I’d “pick”- beautifully crispy fried chicken (I told you I was a fatty) with mashed potatoes, little one inch cubes of sharp Vermont cheddar cheese, chocolate covered pretzels, and diet coke WITH lime (it has to have lime, because I doubt I’ll be on an island in brazil or wherever limes are plentiful and I’m not squishing questionable fruit juice into my soda.) Now this all seems glorious and wonderful, and self indulgent, and bad for me, and whatever, but that was the prompt. If these jerks wanna keep me there, and keep me from raising a fuss, they’re gonna get their best cooks together and fry me up some damn chicken! Hopefully there will be Frank’s Red Hot, because, obviously….but otherwise- I’ll be very compliant and subdued on my island prison with some crispy chicken, mashed potatoes and yummy fattysnack choices. Again, this is all based on some sort of IDEAL captive situation, with cooking oil, refrigeration, prepackaged cheeses, and ice- I WANT ICE, DAMMIT! And my chocolate covered pretzels better not be melty- or there’ll be HELL to pay! DO YOU HEAR ME???? HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh. Forgive me. I got a little crazy there. I’m sort of currently watching what I eat, so I kind of lost my head there thinking about all of the things that I am not enjoying right now. Oh…… what I wouldn’t give to be kidnapped and held captive on an island…..


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