On Disappointing Chicken

We’ve all done this.  Or maybe you haven’t.  you might just be one of those Pinterest junkies that pin and pin and pin stuff, but don’t actually ever make a single thing…. ok, yes, i am judging you.

but anyways, i was looking for a quick crockpot recipe yesterday that used the few things i had around the house. i just randomly searched the internet, and as usual, it brought me to Pinterest.  pictured was a mouth-watering looking piece of chicken, smothered in what appeared to be a scrumptious brown sugary-garlic-tastic sauce.  i was sold.  i quickly got all of the ingredients out and chucked em all into the crockpot, turned it on and then went about messing around with the usual things i mess with in the evening.

i tell you what—– the smell that came from that crockpot? PURE JOY!  brown sugar, garlic, apple cider vinegar, crushed red pepper?  DE-LIGHT-FUL!  i just could NOT wait the eight hours it was going to take for this amazement.

*hops into time machine, eight hours later*

i took the first bite of that chicken expecting heaven- and in return, got a mouthful of MEH.  like for serious. MEH.  absolute meh-ness. like, an entire stick of butter, a cup of shredded cheese and some TACO BELL on top of it wouldn’t have even helped how boring this entree was.  i was actually a little mad about wasting my last package of chicken breast on that boring nonsense.  i ate it.  my family ate it.  absolutely nothing was said about this chicken, it was THAT bland.  after backing down from sending nasty cuss-filled messages to the poster of that “recipe”, i decided that it was probably just my fault for wanting chicken that didn’t suck. it also occurred to me that i could make better tasting chicken than BROWN SUGAR CHICKEN MEH-NESS and usually do even without a recipe.  

was i expecting too much from a recipe that had under ten ingredients? possibly.  was i swayed by the dozens of comments from people that repinned the BROWN SUGAR CHICKEN yawn-fest, knowing FULL WELL that i was probably the only person to actually TRY the recipe?  possibly.  should i have added salt?  absolutely.

do i have a point to all of this?  of course i do.  besides, ‘NEVER TRUST PINTEREST’, and ‘ALWAYS ADD SALT’, my point is that i should never get my hopes up when trying out new recipes, and instead, rely on MY OWN GOOD TASTE when cooking.

that brown sugar chicken shit? uck.  *runs to TACO BELL drive thru before dying of MEH-NESS*

Moral of the story- life is too short, and ingredients are too expensive to waste on boring recipes that taste like something i made in Girl Scouts.

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It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Thriftsmas- (despite all of the blood)

On the third day of THRIFTSMAS- my true love gave to me- tetanus.

today was GET-YER-SHIT-DONE-TODAY- day- so i did laundry, got stuff ready for work and an interview tomorrow, made doctors appointments, made eye doctor appointments, TERROR DOG bath day, colored my hair (truth be told, i’m sitting here with hair dye ready to be rinsed out) and just doing those 283 projects that needed to be done.  no, it’s not fun, but i sure as fuck feel good getting things crossed off my list- especially the list of “THINGS THAT TAKE ABOUT AN HOUR TO DO” stuff….. amazing how much you can get done when your OCD kicks in and your TO DO LIST mocks you.

so, back to the tetanus.  i figured THRIFTSMAS could wait for a day, especially since, after hacking away at my TO DO list, i’ll have much more time, energy (and space) to focus on the actual holiday.  i put up the second tree, packed up my mom’s gi-normous seashell collection, my dad’s stamp collection and a bunch of stuff for the thrift store and unloaded all of it (SOOOO FANTASTIC AND GRATIFYING btw), unloaded my dad’s ‘commemorative newspaper collection” and a bunch of baseball cards to other folks, tidied and finally, put the dye in my hair.  my caucasian afro takes THREE bottles of dye and an hour ‘sitting’ time- so i applied it and set off to do laundry and finally organize the laundry room.  with a bright red, sticky head, i put away the garden chotchkies, pots and planters, all the while doing more laundry.  “i’m the queen of multi-tasking” i said to myself, all puffed and proud.  and as i was patting myself on the back i knocked over a box of garden junk and carelessly BUT WITH FORCE kicked a candle holder.  HOLY FUCKAROLE did that hurt- and hurt even worse when i looked down and saw the spike that holds the candle in place-STICKING STRAIGHT OUT,  STUCK IN MY FOOT…. driven home by the fact that it was stuck through my sock… boy oh fucking boy- that stung and took all of my ‘balls’ to pull the holder out…. it immediately started to bleed, and droplets of blood went everywhere on the laundry room floor.  excellent.  one step forward, nineteen bloody footprints back.

so i’m going to go rinse this dye out, and if i make it until the end of a shower without a red line trailing up my arm, i’ll be fine and glad enough to just go to bed and not rush off to the emergency room.

Merry Thriftsmas to all, and to all, a whole mess of lockjaw!

Thriftsmas 2013 Overview

Now- saying that i am going to try and spend less than $50 for ALL of CHRISTMASS- seems crazy and impossible and stupid and whatever- especially when you consider that if nothing else, i do intend to make a basic dinner for my family of three. and let’s face it, we can eat. and that’s no joke.  i dont even want to tell you about thanksgiving….

i also will say that i am a thrifty shopper- and will pick up things as i see them on sale- so i DO have a lot of items/ingredients already on hand- i dont expect everyone else to have 2 bags of flour in their pantry-but, i do.

my biggest points of doing this are-

1.  I AM BROKE.  as broke as an actual joke.  with $2.71 in my checking account and debt and bills beyond my wildest nightmares.
2.  We do NOT need anything.  sure, i’d love some fab Le Creuset cookware, or a polished wood salad bowl, new carpeting and some Joann Fabric giftcards- but really i dont NEED ANYTHING.
3.  Consumerism makes me nauseous.  like, my facebook feed is constantly full of my friends buying new ipods and new iphones, new clothes, designer ‘bags’, new cars, jewelry, eating at trendy expensive restaurants, going on trips, technology technology and technology, and just more stuff than any person actually needs.  it’s funny when these people say that they are broke, but they’ve just bought new phones and cases of booze.  it’s pretty stupid.  no one actually NEEDS apple tv and ipads, JUST SAYIN.
4.  My dad passed away this year and i was left with his STUFF.  a worthless baseball card collection, tons of commemorative newspapers, sports memorabilia, junk beyond junk ALONG WITH my mom’s stuff from when she passed away.  my parents were indeed hoarders, and that, if anything, drives me to drink want to not have a ton of stuff.  less is definitely more.
5.  I’m a big believer in the whole REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE idea- and if nothing else, i have LOTS OF STUFF to reuse/upcycle.  i love to craft and have been lucky enough to get at least SOME stuff that i can make other stuff with (i’m resourceful bitch.)

i’m certainly not saying that this will be easy, but i definitely am up for trying; and i would hope that my efforts might make other people at least TAKE A LOOK at how much STUFF people waste money on and cram into their homes.

THE ENTIRE CHRISTMASS SHE-BANG includes-

  • holiday decorations
  • presents for my son and boyfriend.
  • presents for our two TERROR DOGS
  • stocking stuffers for everyone
  • a SOLSTICE celebration (i’m pagan)
  • dinner for CHRISTMASS EVE
  • dinner for CHRISTMAS DAY
  • holiday baking
  • gifts for my closest friends
  • some stuff for my son’s birthday which is on the 30th of december.

Weren’t expecting all of that, were you?  considering the average amount that people spent on BLACK FRIDAY ALONE- was around $400 (fuck you all, very much)— this all might seem even more impossible…. i say BULLSHIT. i can do it.

Thriftsmas 2013

So. My life has been utter chaos for the majority of the year, and i’m not being dramatic, attention seek-y or exaggerating.  It’s just been one clusterfuck pile after another.  Between work and my revolving door of clients, my dad dying and leaving me with his STUFF, my friends and their hotmesses, the usual work in progress that is my home, my weight and sixty zillion things in between, i’m actually a little surprised that i made it to december at all-or at the very least- not in the crazy house….  Regardless, piles of shame, horror and that eviction scare, i’m very thankful to be rolling into the end of the year- despite not having a cent to my name…. $2.71 in my checking account to be exact.

this poses the problem of “WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO FOR CHRISTMASS?”– welp. to be truthful- i dont really NEED anything. i dont even really WANT anything.  i’m very ANTI-CONSUMERISM and unnecessarily upgrading electronics, and the whole idea of buying more CRAP to fill your already CRAP-FILLED house- so, i thought that this might be the year we really try and do a “CHEAP AS FREE” holiday…. so- i’m kicking off THRIFTSMAS 2013- and my goal is to spend under $50 for the entire she-bang for my family of three…. think i can do it?  i think so.

i’m definitely ready and willing.  i’m crafty, clever and thrifty.  i also have a family that appreciates handmade presents and are willing to do this with me.  above all, i’m flat fucking broke-as-a-joke- so i dont really have much choice.

this is what i’m doing.

here i go.