- about five years ago, before everyone and their pets and their grandma’s pets had a blog, i wanted to start one- beyond my livejournal account that I’ve had since you needed invitations for social media sites. i started writing for examiner.com and did this whole blog about bisexuality. it was pretty awesome. i started thinking of other topics i could write about; pop culture and whatnot, and decided that i wanted to do a zombie blog. it was going to be written from a survivor’s point of view, or sometimes the zombie. it was going to be tongue-in-cheek, and pretty humorous. not having a heckuva lot of confidence in my crazy ideas, i asked someone what they thought- and they said to me- “i dunno. no one cares about zombies. vampires are in. you should do a blog about vampires”. meanwhile, a quick search brought up a zillion vampire blogs (thanks edward and bella!) and what confidence i had about a zombie blog was abandoned. boy. am i kicking myself now.
- as i just mentioned, i wrote for examiner.com and had a pretty great blogabout bisexuality. it was great to be able to explain myself, along with my opinions about the subject while explaining it to others. i thought it was successful, despite being a slow starter, until more than a handful of people basically shot me right outof the sky. so no more bisexuality blog for me. just the other day i saw a post about bisexuality on thegoddamn, motherfucking huffington post- and let me tell you- the article was terrible. a toddler without grasp of english could have written a better article. eat a dick, man. eat a straight up dick.
- way back in my live journal-ing days, i used to post my pithy anecdotes and hilarious musings in list format. my live journal friends/followers complained that the lists made my posts too blocky and fragmented; they said that there was no flow and that listing made my posts less formal. the other day as i sat reading how to blog like the pros and whatnot, they stated how LISTS ARE ALL THE RAGE…. seriously? like, i know i didn’t invent listing stuff in a blog, but for bananas in pajamas-sake….
- lastly- and worst-ly- almost ten years ago i realized that my slutty brain could produce some very interesting reading material. i started writing down fantasies and no holds barred hard core sex stories. i was very proud of my smut-rotica. and then. i let other people read it. let’s just say, i stopped writing dirty stories after their reviews. the main complaint was that people wouldn’t be able to handle stories about sex- even if they were eloquently written. the scenarios were too graphic and the descriptions were “too sexual” as someone pointed out. “society is not able to deal with sex stories in an everyday way. they want vanilla sex and even want THAT hidden behind bedroom doors”. that was how it was put to me. and so i stopped writing them. and what pops up years later? everyone’s favorite and instant sex classic- Fifty Shades of whatnot. it was what american women were waiting for. and they couldn’t get enough. and now- even disney mass produces mainstream sex stories. great. i give up.
it all makes me want to crawl into a hole—. it’s hard to be creative and original and i have always had performance anxiety that i’ll look like i’m copying or biting on someone else’s style (as the kids say). i know that ‘nothing is new’ and i’m not naive enough to think that i’m going to reinvent the writin’ wheel or even that i’m gonna have a post go viral wi
th a cookie cutter subject that 9,999 people have already blogged about. the problem is that i was dumb enough to let people talk me out of it writing what i wanted, the way i wanted. i let my lack of confidence in my writing hold me back from putting my words out there in the way i wanted to.