Just Give Me the Oreos and No One Gets Hurt

if only i could stop shoveling food into my fatmouth, i’d be okay.  but  how do you give up food?  food, glorious, food?  that’s like saying- stop having fun, *MissTheresa.*  stop breathing.  stop hanging out with your friends.  i yo yo dieted all last year.  that was not pleasant.  who am i kidding?  i’ve yo yo’ed WHILE i was yo yo-ing my entire life away.  let’s face it.  food.is.delicious.  food.is.yummy.  it tastes good ON PURPOSE.  cigarettes stink and frankly, taste nasty and make EVERYTHING ELSE taste nasty.  HOWEVER, i have considered taking up smoking so that i could be successful at quitting SOMETHING.

preach, ralph, preach!

preach, ralph, preach!

giving up alcohol would be easy squeezy, and i admittedly love me some booze.  but i can definitely quit alcohol no prob, because even the most delicious of girlyshots still aren’t THAT yummy.   you can pretend that you are “fancy” and love the taste of nine-thousand year old scotch, but all of the LYING and fakery in the world doesn’t fool me into believing that you just enjoyed consuming something that tastes like poisoned gasoline.  pretend all you want, friend.  i’ll be over here with my face stuck in a bag of cheesy poofs.

then there’s sex- i enjoy doin’ it immensely, but i feel like if i was ADDICTEDaddicted that i’d even be able to control that.  i don’t gamble, do drugs or shop for more than essentials.  i’m not even that into anything on tv enough to have to give it up.  but food?  a nice chilly sliver of tiramisu, or some golden crispy fried chicken?  never!  almond cookies and italian hoagies, cheese, cheese, cheese, sushi, cheese, tortellini, milkshakes, blue cheese burgers?  oh, i love food.

FOOD OPTIONSmoreover, i hate exercise, THAT i could quit.  but warm and crispy with REAL BUTTER chocolate chip cookies?  pork chops?  steak?  cheese?  no way.  i’ve been dieting so long that while i was diligently tracking carbs and counting points, a whole new batch of diets have cropped up to try and “assist” me in doing the one thing i just can’t do.  simply, i cannot QUIT FOOD.  scallops and shrimp, buffalo wings, tacos, loaded baked potatoes, curly fries?  oh…. food.  i can’t quit you.  processed, whole, organic, local, taco truck?  gimme it.  ALL OF IT.  poutine, naan, halushki, Soylent Green, sweet and sour shoes- i don’t care—give it here.  are you going to finish that?  breakfast for dinner?  right on!  meatloaf for breakfast?  sho nuff!  taco bell at 2 am?  absolutely.  i LURVE food.

food

i’ve heard all of the tips, tricks, “rules” and guidelines.  i know what is healthy and what isn’t.  i don’t blame genes, thyroids, gluten, carbs, depression, my job, stress or even the media.  i like to eat.  it’s just that simple.  i’m not that worried about losing all of the fat i need to- i imagine i shall accomplish this in my lifetime- HOWEVER, short of wiring my jaws shut, or hypnosis convincing me that food isn’t awesome i probably will never be able to quit loving it.  FOOD.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/01/daily-prompt-the-end/

Advertisements

16 thoughts on “Just Give Me the Oreos and No One Gets Hurt

  1. Haha! We pretty much did this prompt in the same vein. But I respectfully disagree re: Scotch. I think it’s fabulous 🙂 So are cheesy poofs, though – so we agree there.

  2. Pingback: Happy Endings | Chomp, Chomp, Chomp! | Creating My World

  3. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Happy Endings | tnkerr-Writing Prompts and Practice

    • i understand what a serious thing food addiction is for some– and being as heavy as i am, i KNOW what i am SUPPOSED to do and not do. however, i am not the type to beat myself up or guilt myself into doing anything- especially losing weight. my sense of humor has definitely helped me as long as i can remember— i’m hoping it will also eventually help me drop some weight. otherwise, i may actually, you know, try dieting again. or the the whole- jaw-wiring deal— especially since this magic lamp aint doin’ shit so far.

  4. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Happy Endings | Nola Roots, Texas Heart

  5. Pingback: I Know How To Quit You | Edward Hotspur

  6. Pingback: The Beginning of a Happy Ending | Cancer Isn't Pink

  7. Pingback: Willie And The Norwegian Flangiprop | The Jittery Goat

  8. Pingback: Chow Down –The Oreo Gobble – Part 3 | Puppy Dog Tales

  9. Pingback: Smoking & the Heart | A mom's blog

  10. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Happy Endings | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s