i always dreamed about living in a neighborhood with block parties, and pitchers of shared lemonade on the porch. days of washing cars and warms summer nights filled with sparklers and barbecues. now? i’m just thrilled when i can walk out to turn my car on in the morning and not find nails in my tire or eggs on my windshield. i unfortunately have douchebag neighbors. like the worst kind too- non stop barking outdoor dog, parking space hogging, 400 noisy ill-mannered kids, constant obnoxious visitors…. the 2 bedroom duplex next door to me contains at least a dozen people, at any any given time. and did i mention the barking dog?
there’s no sense complaining, but all i will say, is that if i had a taser- i won’t finish that sentence. every night before bed, i get down on my knees and pray to all of the prayable gods and goddesses that they will just disappear overnight. POOF! gone! just like when the last bunch of crappyawful neighbors got evicted NOT for selling drugs out of the apartment, or because they had TWO GI-NORMOUS pit bulls that clearly were rescued from dogfighting rings (NOT IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD, for the record)- but because they were behind on their rent. good thing the landlord has his priorities straight.
i can dream about clam bakes and street long yard sales but intstead i have constant screeching, barking and obviously unsupervised teenager parties. it aint no Cleavers or Bradys up in here on Oakley Avenue, that’s for sure.