I DID NOT want to click on this link.
I DID NOT want to let the reality sink in.
I DID NOT want to start my week off with this.
I DID NOT want to think about this as I start back to work after surgery.
I DID NOT want this to affect me fully.
I DID NOT want to deal with this after such a beautiful day of Pride yesterday.
I DID NOT want to put faces to this tragedy.
I DID NOT want to cry.
But I did. I did all of these things.
And as I sit here sobbing, because many of these faces remind me of people I know and love, I admitted the big picture to myself.
i did not want to share this post.
it’s been awhile since i did a mental check up/life evaluation and i said i would make sure to take time to keep myself focused on myself during this whole transition thing- it’s overdue.
i’ve been so busy writing advocate pieces and throwing articles to different sites that i just haven’t even had a chance to braindump in a very long time. i made and donated a few mosaic pieces to an art show at the GLCC- and succumbed to peer pressure to start an Etsy site. now i need to do a logo and Pinterest that- and all of that social media hullaballoo for that. my laptop had a wicked rotten virus, but, i actually fixed things myself- that NEVER happens! i’m pretty excited about it! we did a whole bunch of new (to us) things with the different GLBTQ groups, including a FASHION SWAP, trans partner support group and a lecture on HATE CRIMES. i set up a Gofundme account for bf’s top surgery and have been working on a bunch of fundraisers for that. Sonnyboy got a job- thank god- so that stress is FINALLY off my shoulders and i FINALLY feel like i can relax a tiny bit. i’ve been filling out a lot of apps and going on stupid interviews with places that i don’t belong… it’s been horrible. but through it all, i keep looking towards better days- credit cards gone, car paid off, vacation, breathing room……. *sigh*
i certainly haven’t gone to the gym enough and working out at home is usually ignored- but i’m working on that…. it just always seems the easiest thing to fall by the wayside, when meanwhile it should be the most important… in fact i think i’m going to go crawl onto the couch and fall asleep.
my phone is acting wonky.
i can barely keep my eyes open.
i didn’t finish cleaning up my dining room.
the neighbors are making weird noises that sound like one of those old school talking dolls, but underwater.
the laundry pile is sitting there mocking me. i actually heard it laughing.
my emails are sitting there, waving.
i want to pull out my hair- which also is seriously in need of coloring.
so- i guess i have to add “I NEED TO ALSO COLOR MY HAIR”
i kind of want to go out tonite to watch RuPaul at the bar, but that would require changing out of sweats.
i reaaaaallllllly want to comment on someone’s blog that needs a good kick in the pants…….. but i won’t.
or will i?
i REALLY should go to the gym tonite.
i’m running out of things to complain about.
i don’t want to do anything but watch Downton Abbey.
i have the attention span of a kindergartener.
all of these things.
BUT! i did get enough stuff done last week so that no one has to throw me off a cliff! so there’s that!
plus i had a great fun-filled weekend. i only hope that i can finish my TO DO list in full this week.