The Question Jar Pt. One

As much as i enjoy fantasy, writing about what fantastical mystical being i would be and what my special powers are is a tad cheesy- even for someone as cheddar-riffic as me. HOWEVER, i am trying to get into the habit of writing even if it’s not something that’s my usual flavor. i suppose that it can only help me grow as a writer- so—– i’m some sort of wizard or something. here i go-

Walking slowly on the sandy shore in the dead of winter, i watch the foamy gray water roll back and forth towards my feet and then back to the endless ocean. jagged remains of shell fragments stir as water fills them and swirls back out to sea. my mind is as calm and empty as the beach is, now that summer is long gone. a wintry gale adds to the color in my cheeks and it encourages me to continue walking done the shore line. i walk, as all beach wanderers do, slowly, purposefully, and staring down, scanning the sand for perfect shells. my boots scrum across the thick wet sand, leaving footprints that will be erased only seconds after. looking up i see the glitz of Atlantic City in the skyline and wonder how many steps in the wet sand i would have to take to meet up with the towering buildings.

like a child, i stop and let my feet get sucked down into the thick sandy muck, becoming frozen, becoming part of the beach to stay forever, and i feel something heavy drag across the toe of my boot. i look down and see a glass jar. my heart stops a beat when i see silver shimmer glittering inside. i bend down and pick it up and work the lid off. peering back inside, there now appears to be nothing in it at all, and i resist the urge to hurtle it away into the ocean, deciding instead to carry it off to a trash can.

the second before i replace the lid, i hear a tinkling and a puff of glitter is released into the brisk morning air. crystals rapidly form in the jar and a thin line of diamonds fall onto the beach, disappearing as they touch the sand. it doesn’t take long before i realize the jar is full of magic of some kind and i quickly unstick my boots and walk away towards home. as i walk, i look at the newly forming crystals and wonder all of the wonder-able things about this jar, particularly why it had come to me.

almost instantly the answer came to me- i had been wishing for some hope only moments before allowing myself to get sucked into the wet sand. i was in despair. my life was not going as i had planned, certainly not in the way i wanted, and i was feeling lost and desperate. i was wishing to be drawn into the earth, wanting my soul to become a crashing white wave. all of my negativity was swirling around my ankles just moments before, but somehow, the toxicity was diminishing. why now? why after so long of constant sadness and life beating me down was it disappearing? another tinkling and my mind brightened as if by magic and i looked down at the jar. diamonds were still trickling out and down onto the sand. i tried to cup them in my hand, but like liquid silver, it rolled right off. was this jar the answer? was this simple glass jar enchanted? more crystals, and more glittering diamonds skittered down, melting into the sand. yes, it had to be. but why? what did it do? what does it mean? why me? the tiny crystals seemed to be bubbling, foaming, popping, as if excited to answer my questions. it finally occurred to me that this jar was giving me answers to my questions. my brain exploded with joy and a thousand more questions. i turned and hurried myself off of the beach, thrilled at the promise of my new treasure.


Deja Vu

have i experienced deja vu? of course, sure i have. too bad it’s never for anything that will help me out- like winning lottery numbers, or during really good make out sessions. it’s usually something pointless like, walking across one of the houses that i’m cleaning to get my glass cleaner and feeling like at another time i had walked across the same room to get the glass cleaner. yeah. real deep, huh? regardless that still doesn’t hold a lot of mustard for me.

i wish i had those kind of deep meaningful experiences, or at least some complex symbolic dreams, but the truth is, that for as multifaceted as i am in reality, not too much supernatural happens to me. my dreams are usually just a culmination of the messed up things that happen during my waking hours. like sam from down the street calls me to ask me about a cake recipe that he wants to take to softball camp or some other unnecessary mix up of facts and events that are floating around in my grey matter.

i neither believe in ghosts nor the afterlife. i am uninterested in psychics, aliens or real life vampires. for me to be so skeptical and cynical might not be so odd if it wasn’t for my upbringing or my spiritual beliefs. i grew up with a mother who believed she was psychic and a faith healer. my childhood was full of seances and healings, ghost talkings and crosses burning on my lawn. the reasons for my current disbelief in otherworldly things is a direct result of this upbringing and a long tale for another time.

the other matter, my spirituality and why it might be odd that i don’t believe in esp and telekinesis and astral projection? welp- i’m pagan. very pagan and proud of it. but the longer i am in the community, the more that i see that i am a misfit among misfits (as most pagans don’t mesh with society.) i see myself as more of a practical pagan. i believe in MAGICK but i feel it is a looser term than saying a spell and waiting for something to happen. my magick is planting a seed and waiting for it to grow. my magick is getting into a trance like state from dancing and gazing at stars to see something bigger than myself in the universe. i say this amongst people that talk about seeing dragons in their homes and fairies in woodpiles. in the same way that society snubs their beliefs, they snub me for my disbelief.

i am of the thinking that people should believe what they want, politically, spiritually, and morally to achieve the best lives they possibly can. i don’t believe that one way is any better than another. i am definitely spiritual and have a lot of faith. but on the other hand, i definitely am more grounded in the things that i can actually tangibly experience. the sun rising and setting, wind blowing, fire burning, waves crashing and genuine love and affection for people. if these things keep me from experiencing deja vu, or deep earth shaking psychic dreams, i am absolutely okay with that.
i like knowing what to expect.

and what do i expect? i expect to love this song forever and ever…