Conversation With Myself

it’s been awhile since i did a mental check up/life evaluation and i said i would make sure to take time to keep myself focused on myself during this whole transition thing- it’s overdue.

i’ve been so busy writing advocate pieces and throwing articles to different sites that i just haven’t even had a chance to braindump in a very long time.   i made and donated a few mosaic pieces to an art show at the GLCC- and succumbed to peer pressure to start an Etsy site.  now i need to do a logo and Pinterest that- and all of that social media hullaballoo for that.  my laptop had a wicked rotten virus, but, i actually fixed things myself- that NEVER happens!  i’m pretty excited about it!  we did a whole bunch of new (to us) things with the different GLBTQ groups, including a FASHION SWAP, trans partner support group and a lecture on HATE CRIMES.   i set up a Gofundme account for bf’s top surgery and have been working on a bunch of fundraisers for that.  Sonnyboy got a job- thank god- so that stress is FINALLY off my shoulders and i FINALLY feel like i can relax a tiny bit.  i’ve been filling out a lot of apps and going on stupid interviews with places that i don’t belong… it’s been horrible.  but through it all, i keep looking towards better days- credit cards gone, car paid off, vacation, breathing room……. *sigh*

i certainly haven’t gone to the gym enough and working out at home is usually ignored- but i’m working on that…. it just always seems the easiest thing to fall by the wayside, when meanwhile it should be the most important…  in fact i think i’m going to go crawl onto the couch and fall asleep.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/category/daily-prompts/

Complaints R Us

complaintsmy phone is acting wonky.
i can barely keep my eyes open.
i didn’t finish cleaning up my dining room.
the neighbors are making weird noises that sound like one of those old school talking dolls, but underwater.
the laundry pile is sitting there mocking me. i actually heard it laughing.
my emails are sitting there, waving.
i want to pull out my hair- which also is seriously in need of coloring.
so- i guess i have to add “I NEED TO ALSO COLOR MY HAIR”
i kind of want to go out tonite to watch RuPaul at the bar, but that would require changing out of sweats.
i reaaaaallllllly want to comment on someone’s blog that needs a good kick in the pants…….. but i won’t.
or will i?
i REALLY should go to the gym tonite.
i’m running out of things to complain about.
i don’t want to do anything but watch Downton Abbey.
i have the attention span of a kindergartener.

all of these things.
BUT! i did get enough stuff done last week so that no one has to throw me off a cliff! so there’s that!
plus i had a great fun-filled weekend. i only hope that i can finish my TO DO list in full this week.
here’s hoping.

It’s Your Job Now, D’ya Hear Me?

to doi’m not sure if it’s the three cups of coffee or just a week’s worth of pent up guilt, but i’m twitchy enough to get my ass in gear and start crossing stuff off of THE GI-NORMOUS TO DO LIST OF DOOM… i’d like to thank my friends for peer pressuring me into starting six more projects and this cold February weather for my incredibly flaky DEFCON TWO-level itchy dry skin.

i’m giving myself ONE WEEK to finish everything on the aforementioned GI-NORMOUS TO DO LIST.  one.  ONE.  that’s it.  JUST ONE GODDAMN WEEK.  i can’t take it anymore.  it’s me or THE DAMNED LIST.   if i don’t finish it all, you have my permission make that, THE OBLIGATION to pitch me off of the front of a boat,  Jack-from-the-Titanic-style…. just chuck me right off.  i’m not even joking.  i don’t even care if i’m on fire and running from a pack of rabid, poorly dressed drag queens, if by next Monday the 24, i don’t have every single thing on my list done- it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, dear reader, to throw me the fuck off a boat…(or cliff, whichever is more convenient for you.)

throw

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/17/daily-prompt-with-or-without-you/

Well Placed Words

writei absolutely love words. letters and words.  not so much sentences, but letters and words excite me.  i would suppose that’s why i write in fragments so often.  i feel like words convey as much as a sentence can, and there doesn’t always need to be a filler like “the” or even nitpicky punctuation. words fill your mind with ideas, and usually people skim enough that they don’t need grammar and all of its trappings.   sure, there’s a time when a perfectly formed sentence can really add to the fluff and polish, but then again, sometimes…. just a word can do just as much….

for instance….

LOVE.  KISS.  SEX.  WARM.    just those words on their own can definitely make a statement.  and who doesn’t love some well placed words?

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/10/daily-post-take-that-rosetta/

Well, it IS Monday.

It’s monday and that only means one thing- trying to get my life back on track, again, cause, well, it IS monday.  time to play catch up. time to clean the house up from weekend destruction, write, errands, work on getting my son a new job, restart that diet, recommit to getting back to the gym (“for serious this time”), going into the week with a fresh and positive outlook, you know how you do, cause it IS monday.

and here it is.  almost 4pm, and i’ve done little more than some virtual farming, set up and Etsy shop finally, go with my boyfriend to get fingerprinted for his name change, and lots of dicking around.  a whole lotta nothing.

i did shower and get dressed, which, at this moment in time, seems like a miracle.  but i accomplished exactly NOTHING, and now that i’ve been sitting with a heating pad on my back, any sort of motivation  that i MIGHT have had- is floating out the door.  it looks less and less likely that i’ll be doing too much of value now.  we can only hope, BUT, i aint holding my damn breath.

gotta get out of my pajamas (i threw them BACK on the second i walked back in the door, nearly clotheslining the dogs with my bra in the process), go scrape the snow off my car, fill the car up with gas, hit the library, meet a friend for coffee and see what that does for my day.  right now- all i want to do is stare at the cobwebs on my ceiling.  guess i have to add that to my list too. great.

Just Give Me the Oreos and No One Gets Hurt

if only i could stop shoveling food into my fatmouth, i’d be okay.  but  how do you give up food?  food, glorious, food?  that’s like saying- stop having fun, *MissTheresa.*  stop breathing.  stop hanging out with your friends.  i yo yo dieted all last year.  that was not pleasant.  who am i kidding?  i’ve yo yo’ed WHILE i was yo yo-ing my entire life away.  let’s face it.  food.is.delicious.  food.is.yummy.  it tastes good ON PURPOSE.  cigarettes stink and frankly, taste nasty and make EVERYTHING ELSE taste nasty.  HOWEVER, i have considered taking up smoking so that i could be successful at quitting SOMETHING.

preach, ralph, preach!

preach, ralph, preach!

giving up alcohol would be easy squeezy, and i admittedly love me some booze.  but i can definitely quit alcohol no prob, because even the most delicious of girlyshots still aren’t THAT yummy.   you can pretend that you are “fancy” and love the taste of nine-thousand year old scotch, but all of the LYING and fakery in the world doesn’t fool me into believing that you just enjoyed consuming something that tastes like poisoned gasoline.  pretend all you want, friend.  i’ll be over here with my face stuck in a bag of cheesy poofs.

then there’s sex- i enjoy doin’ it immensely, but i feel like if i was ADDICTEDaddicted that i’d even be able to control that.  i don’t gamble, do drugs or shop for more than essentials.  i’m not even that into anything on tv enough to have to give it up.  but food?  a nice chilly sliver of tiramisu, or some golden crispy fried chicken?  never!  almond cookies and italian hoagies, cheese, cheese, cheese, sushi, cheese, tortellini, milkshakes, blue cheese burgers?  oh, i love food.

FOOD OPTIONSmoreover, i hate exercise, THAT i could quit.  but warm and crispy with REAL BUTTER chocolate chip cookies?  pork chops?  steak?  cheese?  no way.  i’ve been dieting so long that while i was diligently tracking carbs and counting points, a whole new batch of diets have cropped up to try and “assist” me in doing the one thing i just can’t do.  simply, i cannot QUIT FOOD.  scallops and shrimp, buffalo wings, tacos, loaded baked potatoes, curly fries?  oh…. food.  i can’t quit you.  processed, whole, organic, local, taco truck?  gimme it.  ALL OF IT.  poutine, naan, halushki, Soylent Green, sweet and sour shoes- i don’t care—give it here.  are you going to finish that?  breakfast for dinner?  right on!  meatloaf for breakfast?  sho nuff!  taco bell at 2 am?  absolutely.  i LURVE food.

food

i’ve heard all of the tips, tricks, “rules” and guidelines.  i know what is healthy and what isn’t.  i don’t blame genes, thyroids, gluten, carbs, depression, my job, stress or even the media.  i like to eat.  it’s just that simple.  i’m not that worried about losing all of the fat i need to- i imagine i shall accomplish this in my lifetime- HOWEVER, short of wiring my jaws shut, or hypnosis convincing me that food isn’t awesome i probably will never be able to quit loving it.  FOOD.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/01/daily-prompt-the-end/

Fatpants, Please?

fridayi pushed through work as hard as i could today- complete with taking down a client’s christmas tree (yes, i know that it is january 31) and the whole time all i could think about was how AWESOME it was going to be to get home, get into my fattest of fat pants, make some tea and write.  if i felt like getting a little crazy, i was going to read.

i decided i was going to make a plate of nachos, put on some Pearl Jam and just ignore what the rest of the world was doing.  simple enough, right?  wrong.

  1. my fattest fat pants weren’t dry yet, so i had to change out of work clothes and into something not as comfy.
  2. i remembered my vow to give the Terror Dogs baths.  so i had to do that and itwas AWFUL.  the dogs LOATHE the hair dryer, you know, if that ever comes up as a question for Final Jeopardy.
  3. got some bad news-about, not just being broke- but being REAL REAL broke, and even broke-r.
  4. 6,000 other little shitty annoying things, and now my blood is all angried up and my brain is mush.

knackered

i’m phonin’ this one in kids, i give up.  maybe after a little mindless staring out the window, i’ll be back to good and can do some actual writin’.  until then-